Old Habits Die Hard
by xEasilyConfused
Summary: Reader's request: Alex relapsed and crumbles from the pressure of Division. Nikita/Alex Set in 3x06


**A/N: Request from a reader. **** I know I've been away since forever (blame school) but I'm trying to publish some more stories soon. –x**

**So this fiction bashes Sean and let's pretend he never saved Alex in Sideswipe 3x06.**

Old Habits Die Hard

Amanda's robotic voice had managed to snake its way into Alex's mind as she punched furiously at the practice bag in the middle of Division's old recruit gym. The events when she was still Nikita's mole flashed in her head.

"_You feel weak. You're angry because you feel weak. You have the right to feel that way. You're an addict. You're not the only one in Division which is why we do random searches." The therapist confronted the younger woman. She placed the bottle of pills Alex had stolen on the table in front of her. "Oxycodone, from medical," Amanda stated._

"_I didn't have any," Alex insisted, shocked Amanda found the bottle. _

"_But you wanted to. You will _always _want to. And sometimes that need will become rage. You can use that, Alex."_

Each one of Alex's punches intensified until she smashed her bad elbow into the punching bag. She let out a gasp and huff of frustration, gripping her arm just as Michael walked into the room. His concern was evident as he asked if she was okay.

"I'm fine," she stated.

"Huh, you don't look fine. Have you heard from Sean?" Michael asked.

Just the thought of him made Alex cringe with resentment. "Michael, do you really want to talk to me about boys?" she asked with disbelief. It was probably Nikita again, setting Michael up to talk about "feelings" or whatever.

Michael grimaced, "No. Jet leaves in twenty." He walked back up the steps and away from sight.

Alex panted and pushed her sweaty hair back. Spinning around, she zipped open her gym bag and took out the stash of Sobelex she had swiped from medical. She popped open the cap and quickly swallowed one pill then walked off to get ready for the mission. Alex made her way to the gym locker rooms and stripped her clothes off, stepping into the relaxing shower. Truth was; she _was_ weak like Amanda had said years ago. Sean had left her in this hole and trying to keep Division alive made Alex anxious. It was too much pressure, too much to handle especially for the ex-junkie. _How could Sean do this?_ She thought. _Leave me here when I need him the most. Stupid Sean, stupid boy scout, s_he thought angrily. She shook her head, erasing him from her mind. _Nikita is priority number one, _she thought. The older woman was nowhere to be found and Alex craved her touch; it was the one thing that stopped her from going insane. She needed to unravel.

Nikita's image could not be removed from Alex's mind as her hand wandered from washing her face to teasing her nipples to exploring her core. She moaned softly as she rubbed furiously at her clit then dipped two fingers inside herself. Alex's shoulders slumped and all the stress from the weeks prior was forgotten. The woman bit her lip and closed her eyes, imagining Nikita was the one touching her, that it was Nikita's long, slender fingers thrusting inside of her. That it was Nikita who's other free hand was running up and down her toned body. Alex cried out; mind unable to form coherent thoughts any longer. With one last thrust, Alex came hard.

"Oh Nikita!" she screamed. She rode out her orgasm for another minute until her brain was working again. She panted, desperately hoping no one had heard her. _Shit, _she thought. _Shit, I can't think about Nikita like this._ Alex removed her fingers from inside herself and washed away the guilt of masturbating to her mentor. For the first time, Alex found herself shaking her head trying to rid the romantic and sexual thoughts of Nikita from her mind.

It was a miracle she escaped Romania unharmed but Alex managed with a rush of adrenaline, a couple Sobelex and the thought of getting back to Nikita. She sighed and plopped onto the recruit bed back at Division. So much stress for the poor woman. Her eye makeup was smudged and she smelled like a sweaty sock. She was about to shut her eyes when a soft knock on her door prompted her to sit up immediately. No one was supposed to be wandering corridors at this time, it was lights out. The pills could turn Alex from a cool cucumber to a jittery mess at any given time. The doorknob turned and the door opened, revealing a distraught Nikita.

"Oh Alex, thank god you're safe!" she cried, swinging the door shut and making her way to Alex's bed. Nikita enveloped the younger woman in a tight hug and let out a sigh of relief. "I didn't know if you made it, I was so worried." Alex closed her eyes and stiffened in the embrace, vividly remembering her thoughts in the shower from the other day. All she could think about was jumping Nikita then and there.

"What are you talking about?! I'm fine," she huffed, echoing the two words she had said to Michael the day before. The woman was far from fine, she was the exact opposite. Alex hated how she relapsed so easily; she was supposed to be clean! Drugs were dangerous, she knew that, but the pressure of Division was far too great. Every time Alex was about to give up on everything, she thought of Nikita and how she managed to do _everything_ without fault. How could someone be so perfect? Tears slipped from her eyes.

"Alex, what's wrong? Honey, don't cry." Nikita said soothingly as she ran her fingers through Alex's mangled hair. "Hey, talk to me."

Alex untangled herself from the older woman. Fear was unmistakable in the younger woman's eyes. _What will Nikita think if I tell her?_ She thought. Alex took in a breath of air and pour out her soul. She told Nikita everything; about her relapse, about Sean, about the pressure, about Division, about her _feelings_.

"Can you stop with the Sobelex?" Nikita asked quietly when she was done.

"Probably," Alex replied shakily.

"Sean is a total douche," Nikita muttered.

"Definitely," Alex agreed.

"Is the pressure too much?" Nikita asked.

"Just a little bit," Alex admitted.

"Do you need a break…?" Nikita suggested with a hint of seductiveness mixed in.

Alex's breath caught in her throat as realization of what Sensei meant. "Maybe a tiny one."

"Are you sure?" the older woman whispered as she inched her face closer to Alex's. "I mean, this won't complicate things?"

Alex replied by closing the distance to Nikita's lips. Both women got lost in each other for a while until the need of oxygen forced the kiss to break. Their foreheads rested against each other's as Alex bit her lip and shyly looked up at the other woman. This was _perfect._ Alex sighed contently but protested as Nikita got up from the bed. A second later she took Alex's hand. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up," Nikita whispered as she guided Alex from the bed, into the hall and led Alex to her own room, the one with the bigger bed.


End file.
